| long time - no see!!!! |
[Jan. 23rd, 2009|12:27 pm] |
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Hello there ma wee pets - I hope yis are all daein' well wi this life. Jings, it's been that long since I posted, I'm sure yis'll nae ken me??? I'll be on soon tae gie yis ma wee story..
I just wanted tae check if I could still dae this (Ana's been nasty the noo) - HELP!!! Bless yis ma bonnie lassies/laddies - take care...............
Lornaxxxxxxxxxxxx |
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| Laxatives |
[Feb. 27th, 2007|02:11 pm] |
Feck, I'm back on the laxatives big time again. I used to ubuse them in the 80's & 90's but ended up seriously ill with blood poisoning & a fecking colostomy bag - not nice! What am I going to do? - I'm just so desparate to loose this minging weight & starvation is just not good enough with a fecked up metabolism at 44 yrs old - 5ft 2ins & sitting at 7 & a half stone - feck me - this is shite!
BIG PROBLEM???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? |
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| Struggling! |
[Feb. 25th, 2007|02:49 pm] |
Are there any other long-term ED sufferers out there who can give advice & tips as I'm really struggling badly with my disorders & inability to lose this loathsome weight?
HELP! |
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| dgdf |
[Feb. 22nd, 2007|06:48 am] |
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dhdhgd |
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| The reality of anorexia/bullimia |
[Feb. 21st, 2007|03:45 pm] |
As you probably know I'm from bonnie Scotland. It's shite being Scottish - the weather's shite (rains most of the time - cold damp & misty & that's just the summer) as you know exercise is important to burning off any nasty calorie that sneaks in. The weather makes any outdoor activity impossible without a raincoat & wellies - try running in that - try keeping warm when you are always so cold! Having said that, our benefits system for the poor & health care is brilliant - the good old NHS - free health care to rich & poor alike - I even get disability benefits from the government because I became too ill to work. I truly feel sorry for you poor wee American souls. My son-in-law, Edmund is from PA in the states. He & my daughter, Emily married & lived there for nearly 2 years until they could no longer afford to - his wages were shite & the cost of living was horrendous compared to Scotland & he needed a serious eye operation which would have cost thousands of dollars - he's being treated here for FREE - he has a good job & they own their own home. Anyway, I digress, lets get to the serious issue of having an ED & all the horrors that involves. I'm sitting here still alive after a lifetime of having an ED. I was abused very badly as a wean - both sexually & physically. When I hit puberty I started on a cycle of compulsive eating - got married at 17 & had 3 bonnie bairns. By the time my youngest was born in late 1984 (I was 22) I weighed a massive 13 stone 8lbs. My smashing big hubby (he's 6 years older than me) never deliberatly made me feel bad - always supportive. January 1985 I went for a post natal check up and was nearly 14 stone -I was disgusted - was a size 24 in clothes and my family & 'friends' made fun of me - It was vile & so was the way I was feeling. I started my 'diet' on 13th January 1985 and was 7 and a half stone by the christmas of that year - not healthy, but as you lassies/laddies know, health doesn't really come into it & enough is never enough is it? I survived on turnip & diet yoghurt for a year until I snapped & binged - that's when the bullimia began - that nightmare lasted for 15 years - I ended up with a colostomy bag for a year because of laxative abuse - I tore my throat badly & worst of all I lost all my teeth - not nice having a mouthfull of ill fitting plastic (bullimics take heed). The bullimia only stopped when I started smoking - dangerous and nasty, but better than the horror & living the nightmare of mia. I used to cut too. My arms so disfigured that even a doctor thought that I had been badly burned! The anorexia has left me with no self-esteem, osteopena & osteoperosis & I'm in constant pain - the extensive muscle waste over the years has taken it's toll too - I'm fucked! In hindsight, my ED was the only thing I could control in my life - I had 3 young children, the tories were in government making life hell for the Scots (Scotland is mainly a socialist country), I had a very demanding mother and mother-in-law & I was studying for a career in Social Work for when the bairns all went to school. I lasted 10 years in my career. But dealing with child abuse took it's toll on me & when my wee alcoholic/anorexic dad died I lost it - I cracked up & went down to 5 and a half stone & was unable to look after the weans properly - their smashing big dad done everything - as I'm sure you will understand this has to this day caused strain between me and my 2 oldest weans -Emily 26 & Lewis 24 & still does to this day - I'm sure they wouldn't miss me if I croaked tomorrow - I'm worth more dead than alive. My youngest (who's the only one still at home}, David or Delv as he's always been known is almost 23 - he's my baby. I adore my other 2 but he's the only one of the 3 willing to spend the time of day with me - he even cuddles me & believe me that's not something that I'm used to. My husband, Derek (he's 50) is the kindest most loyal man I have ever had the priviledge to know & we have been together 29 years despite the strain the anorexia & bullimia put on our relationship. I feel so guilty that when I was spending hours in the lavvy spewing my guts up he was both mum & dad to the weans - that's sad. I think that's why I used to cut so badly - a way of punishing myself for what I saw as my greed & lack of self control. You all know what I mean don't you? Today, although I hate it with a passion, I'm still anorexic and have to live daily with all the struggles & pain that involves. I have been in & out of treatment - what a fecking waste of time that was for me. I have decided to accept the anorexia as an inherint part of my warped personality. I personally have never known folk to recover and still feel good about their body image - most diet it all back of again - I know you all know exactly what I mean. It's sad that a simple wee thing like the digit on the scales can make or break your day - that's it isn't it for all of us struggling with this, day in day out. Oh & I have bad OCD & I abuse laxatives again. My OCD has been getting worse these days for some reason. Anyway I'm sitting here a flabby bloat of blubber at 7 and a half stone (5 foot 2 inches) & I fecking hate it. I'll give an example of my diet on my next post - you'll be getting bored by now. I'd like to finish with a warning to all you poor wee souls struggling with bullimia. It ruined my life, my teeth, my throat & my gut & was to me, much worse than anorexia & we all know the living hell that is. Anyway, off to walk a couple of miles with my wee cairn terrier, Eric - that should burn off what I've had today. Looks like it's oilskins & wellies - yet again it's raining - I said it was shite being Scottish didn't I - ha!
God Bless you all - we are all in this together. xxxxxxxxxxxx |
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| confused |
[Feb. 20th, 2007|06:43 am] |
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Still trying to work out hoe to work this. Been ana/mia for 22 years - 44 years old from Scotland. Been observing this community for about a year & have lots to contribute. Struggling with my weight badly at the present with a fecked up metabolism - can identify with all your struggles & pain both physical & emotional. If it works this time I will be able to contribute often & perhaps offer some support - well here goes.... |
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| I can't get my lj to work |
[Feb. 13th, 2007|06:39 pm] |
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I have been trying for weeks to get my log to work, but can't. has anyone got any tips |
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